I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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