Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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