So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
