You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
