I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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