Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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