Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
