Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
