dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
