You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
