There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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