you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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