You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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