This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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