so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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