All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
