Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
