Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Text me some of your sweat
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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