I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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