The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
