I can't watch pbs sober anymore
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
