my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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