I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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