if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
