So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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