2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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