Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Randomize
