I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
