Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
