Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
