I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
