we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
