I'm passing your future prison.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
