the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
