he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
