wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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