idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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