Will you blow on my dice?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
