Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
