guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
