I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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