I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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