Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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