I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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