Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
