whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
