You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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