i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
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No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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