your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
