Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
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They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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