Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
