i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
