she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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