i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Pooping to opera.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
