I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
