How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
