If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
