no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
