You can't motorboat a personality
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
