My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
