i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
