Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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