sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize