wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
