it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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