I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
