some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
