fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
