what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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