I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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