Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
