The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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