I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want to have your abortion
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
