smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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