I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop coming to work sober
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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